Those Wacky Heterosexuals

Those Wacky Heterosexuals has been published erratically by B. Allan Ross via since 1999. Some of those old columns are still available there.

The earliest TWH I could find using the Wayback Machine of the Internet Archive is TWH Oct 17 2000. If you are patient, some of the pictures will load, and you can copy them or try to link to them from your whatever to where the Internet Archive has them permanently stored.

You can find everything The Internet Archive has stored so far from — publisher of Those Wacky Heterosexuals.

TWH is on its way back, here, there, somewhere, most definitely, presuming no hets take me up on my Lev. 20:13 Challenge!


Jan132013 TWH Cops Say Heterosexual Had Sex With Dog While Het Boyfriend Took Photos

Boy soldier Omar Khadr, 15, Canadian citizen charged as terrorist, held for decades by the USA, was wounded while being captured in Afghanistan, July, 2002. His lawyers claimed statements he made to U.S. military interrogators were illegally obtained through torture and asked a U.S. war crimes court to throw them out. Request denied by U.S. military judge at U.S. military naval base at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. The confessions can be used as evidence, though they may have been obtained through torture by the U.S. military, a U.S. military judge ruled. Omar Khadr, 15, a heterosexual child soldier and Canadian citizen, was wounded while being captured by the U.S. military in Afghanistan in July, 2002, then charged with terrorism. The boy was blinded in one eye and shot several times.

His het lawyers claimed statements made by Khadr to his presumed-to-be-heterosexual (during DADTDPDH) U.S. military interrogators were illegally obtained through torture. They asked a heterosexual-dominated U.S. military war crimes court to throw them out.

That request was denied by a U.S. military judge, a practicing heterosexual, at the U.S. military Navy base at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

The U.S. military judge ruled that the confessions of Omar Khadr to the U.S. military can be used against him as evidence in the U.S. military trial against him, even though the confessions may have been obtained illegally by the U.S. military, by torturing the 15-year-old Canadian citizen while he was a prisoner of the U.S. military.

From the Aug 02 2010 Think Progress newsletter, I snagged the little section below, “Under The Radar”, to highlight a couple of “superior qualities” possessed by Those Wacky Heterosexuals out where we can all appreciate and learn from them.



After federal district court judge and presumed heterosexual Susan Bolton blocked several key provisions of Arizona’s controversial immigration law in a long-awaited decision last week, she “received hundreds of threats at her court offices within hours.” Opposite-attracted U.S. Marshal David Gonzales reports Bolton has been “inundated” with the threats: “About 99.9% of the inappropriate comments are people venting. They are exercising their First Amendment rights and a lot of it is perverted. But it’s that 0.1 percent that goes over the line that we are taking extra seriously.” He added, “It is policy at a juncture like this to increase security at the courthouse.” Bolton is not the only official facing hostility following Wednesday’s ruling. On Thursday, openly het Rep. Raúl Grijalva (D-AZ) was forced to close his district office in Yuma, AZ, after “finding a window shattered and a bullet inside.” In April, on the same day SB-1070 was signed into law, Grijalva — an outspoken opponent of the legislation who had called for boycotting the state — closed two district offices “after a [heterosexual-appearing, presumed] man called the Tucson office twice threatening to ‘come in there and blow everybody’s head off,’ and then go to the U.S.-Mexico border to ‘shoot any [“straight”] Mexicans that try to come across.'” Local heterosexual militiamen have organized publicly het “combat veterans, with kill records, to camp out and patrol” the U.S.-Mexico border, and opposite-sex practicing Neo-Nazis in Arizona now “patrol the border” aiming to “kill or capture immigrants” that appear to be heterosexual. Besides immigration-related violence, “threats of violence against [openly heterosexual] lawmakers” also “spiked in the immediate aftermath of the healthcare reform battle in Congress,” when vandals targeted the offices of pro-reform members [with presumed-het lifestyles] and threatened to “assassinate” the lawmakers’ [het-acting] children.

Here’s an update to a story we ran earlier.

Wisconsin Heterosexual Accused of Digging Up Dead Woman for Sex

LANCASTER, Wis. (AP) – An attorney for a 23-year-old openly heterosexual man accused of trying to dig up a dead woman in Cassville to have sex with her says his client only wanted to wanted to pose her in a “non-sexual way.”

In opening statements, defense attorney Suzanne Edwards described Nicholas Grunke as a shy virgin who longed to have a girlfriend. When a 20-year-old woman died in a 2006 motorcycle crash, Edwards says Grunke wanted to “set up a little fairy-tale scenario.”

Grunke is accused of attempted third-degree sexual assault, attempted criminal damage to a cemetery and attempted misdemeanor theft.

Prosecutor Tony Pozorski argued that Grunke intended to have sex with the body.

Pozorski argued that Grunke, his twin brother Alexander, and friend Dustin Radke were involved in the alleged scheme. The prosecutor says a van found near the scene contained shovels, a wrecking bar and a box of condoms.


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